Death stream of Consciousness

Life is funny sometimes, not haha funny just really strange. For instants my family always dies in sets of three usually with a month of each other. I don't know why that is. I don't know if we all pick the time we will leave this earth before we come but that's just the way it seems to work in my family. A few weeks ago I lost my great aunt and my aunt within 24 hours of each other. Today my grandmother died and right now it all just doesn't seem real. I was planning on going over to see her on Saturday to say good bye. I wanted to let her meet Daniel but I messed up and waited to long. I knew it was bad but I thought I had a little more time. I think deep down I thought she was to angry to die but I guess not. My grandmother and I have never seen eye to eye on things. I would like to say I have found memories of her from my childhood but I just don't. I wanted to make my peace with that when I said goodbye but now its to late in a sense. I'll have to find a way to deal with that but not tonight. Ok is it really sick that right now the song that keeps playing threw my head is Another One Bits the Dust by Queen: "and another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust..." Going off in a completely other direction lately I've been thinking a lot about what happens when we die. Not the are there really big pearly gates and someone standing at the front with a book to see if your name is wrote down like in the movies but the finer details. The promise of a perfect body and how really great that is. I guess I never really thought about it before but after seeing the suffering that my aunt went threw before she died. I don't know how to explain how great it must feel to get that body to be able to run or do a million things you may not have been able to do here on earth. I think we go threw some of the things we do so we can appreciate that body when we get it and don't just take it for granite. I've also grown to appreciate my church a lot more of late. We believe family's can be together forever. That is such a precious gift that I can't even begin to explain. I'm not very good at putting spiritual thoughts down on paper but right now I'm really appreciating my church and the strength it lends me. I would write more but I think I'm just burned out now and need to sleep to try and get some kind of grip on this crazy world.